So what exactly is a "good baby"?

Baby Z is so popular. Every time we go somewhere, she makes friends: random strangers that just have to come check out the baby with the awesome cheeks. Among other things, I always hear "She's such a good baby!", to which I often reply "Yes, she's a really calm baby." Though she has her moments, for the most part, she has her own little zen to her. If you don't bother her, she definitely won't bother you.

But then I started thinking. What if she wasn't like that? What if her natural disposition was feistier, more aggressive, easily excitable? What then? Would she no long be a "good baby"? Would she be a "bad baby"? We're all born with different dispositions, and though some may be easier to deal with than others,there is no hierarchy. Well, there shouldn't be. 

When I see babies that seem to cry a lot (or are at least crying a lot in that moment) I can't help but to think if people are judging that baby by the same criteria they use with baby Z:

Quiet baby = good baby.
Crying baby = bad baby.

More importantly, I wonder what the parent is thinking. Is (s)he thinking the child is bad? That question seems like its answer would be obvious, but I've written before about the crazy things I've seen from parents. Just as my daughter is able to absorb the happy, peaceful energy of those that think she is so "good," other babies absorb the anxious, angry energy of those that think they are "bad."

I believe in the value of a baby's cry, so I'd never just write one off as being a "whiny baby," but I know everyone doesn't think that way. I've heard people say things like "He just likes to cry," and "Ignore her. She cries all the time." If only these parents were aware that their dismissive reactions only promote more of the same behavior. (To clarify, I'm talking about actual babies, not 4-year-olds that are crying because they want another Ring Pop. That's a whole other topic... DING *light bulb goes off in head* Think I just thought of another blog topic!)

I hate to see children that actually believe they're bad. It's sad to see corruption at such a young age, but it happens, more often than I'd like to think about. I've heard young boys declare "I'm IS bad!", as if the opposite could in no way be true. What can you expect for a child who, at 4 years of age, has already been convince, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his very core and nature are bad, not good? How do you expect him to treat others? Himself? What type of life do you foresee him having? It doesn't look good.

On baby Z's behalf, I thank the strangers for their kind words, but I hope they have that same kind approach with other babies, too. 







Zara's Mommy, Nadirah Angail

Preparing Baby for Her Future

First of all, shout out to Baby Z for completing her first year of life! What a big girl! What a blessing! I am thankful!
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I like to talk to Baby Z while she sits on the potty. It doesn't matter what about (I know she's focused on the task at hand) but I like to use the time to deliver some important messages.

Sometimes, I just sing songs that I make up on the spot. Sometimes, I show off my baddest dance moves. Other times, I'm a bit more serious. I tell her how wonderful she is and how much she is loved. I tell her that I will always support whatever she does in life as long as it is good and honest.

Lots of parents want their children to pick up where they left off, succeed in all the places they couldn't or follow in their footsteps. As a writer, I'd love for her to take that same path, but I acknowledge that she doesn't have to.

I don't want her to grow up feeling pressured to do what I want for her. I want her to be free to pursue what she wants. So many people neglect their own dreams to make their parents happy.  Her father and I are already happy with her, and we will continue to be as long as she does her best and does what is good.

I'd hate to stifle her creativity. It may be in her to do so much more than be a writer. I have no right to stamp that out. I like to use everyday moments, like potty time, to  instill a strong sense of support and acceptance. Children can make some horrible decisions when they feel unsupported and unaccepted. She's only one, and I know I may be jumping the gun a bit, but is it ever too early to prepare your kids for the future?


Zara's Mommy, Nadirah Angail