Why I Sometimes Want to Kidnap Little Brown Boys

This world is backwards. A lot of people are nicer to complete strangers than they are to their own children. I don't care how much attitude you have. I don't care how foul-mouthed you are. There are certain people in your life you owe complete respect and kindess: your parents, your spouse and, yes, your children.

Because they're "yours," some people seem to think they can treat their children any ol' way. I completely disagree. Parents should model for their children the type of behavior they want them to display. In my case, I want Zara to be kind and respectful, so that's how I treat her.

Not everyone takes this approach.

Jus the other day, I saw a woman tell her no-older-than-6-years-old son "If you don't shut the F_ _ _ up, little boy..." I was in Target. I think he was pestering her about getting something. Begging children can be ANNOYING, I'll admit, but to talk to a child-your own child-like that is never called for.  I was so bothered. I wanted to just grab that little boy and bring him home with me. I'm not saying the woman is a bad mother. I dont know her in the least and have no business judging her overall parenting, but in that moment, she got an F. 

I notice a lot of times its mothers speaking this way to their sons. That makes it even worse. There seems to be an abundance of low quality men that have no clue how to relate to and respect women. This is no surprise when you consider the first relationship any male has with a woman is with his mother. If she curses him out as a child, its extremely easy for him to grow up and repeat that same behavior with women.

It's a cycle.

I'm even more disgusted when I see brown mothers doing this to their Little Brown Boys (LBBs). LBBs are born with targets on their back. It seems the world is just waiting to label them as "bad" and "disruptive." LBBs are more likely to be punished for their behavior in school and more likely to be held back and put in remedial classes. This is not because they're intrinsically flawed. It's because the odds are stacked against them. Every mother of a LBB should know this and do everything in her power to fight it. Cursing at your son and calling him things like "lil nigga" (yes, I've heard people say this) is downright criminal and teaches him that he has little worth and even less potential.

I don't have a son, but I have nephews (6 and 9m), and we've constantly covering them in the protective salve of kind, self-affirming words. We fill in every crack with love and reassurance that they are nothing less than the best and worthy of good things. They doesn't realize it, but they internalize these messages, and will be able to project them back out into the world when they get older.

It's a cycle.

Regardless of if you have a Little Brown Boy, a Little White Boys, a Little Yellow Boy, or a Little Brown-White-and-Yellow Boy, treat him with respect. Fill the space around him with beautiful words that let him know just how special he really is.




Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

Aww, Your Baby is So....Smart

Don't you just love babies? They're so freaking cute, and they know it, because we're constantly reminding them.


"You're so cute!"
"That's my handsome little man!"
"Look at mommy's pretty baby!"

We've got us some cute kids, guys. But, is that all they are? We (myself included) constantly obsess over how they look, especially girls. What about how they are? Their talents, their characteristics?

I tell Zara a billion times a day how pretty she is, but I also tell her how smart, kind, funny, and caring she is. It probably doesn't really matter now, but when she gets older, she will internalize these messages and know that she's more than a pretty face. As mesmerizing as her eyes are, as adorable as her chubby cheeks are, as purely beautiful as her face is, I'd never want her to think she is nothing but a pretty face. I want to raise her to believe that her looks are the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

In this world, it's easy for a woman to put all her stock in her looks. At the same time, it's just as easy for that woman to feel less-than, not good enough, not cute enough. Despite all the emphasis we put on looks, few of us are truly happy with them. It's like we see beauty as this bright, shining star that is just out of reach. We all want it, but no one can really reach it.

Shouldn't beauty be a whole expression of who we are, rather than a mere expression of how we look? Looks are important, but no more important than those qualities and traits that make you who you are. Zara, my sweet baby, as you grow and mature, I pray that you love your beautiful eyes. But, more importantly, I pray you love the beautiful person behind those eyes.



Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

Hanna Montana/Miley Cyrus Will Not Be in This Home

It is hard to turn on the TV or go to the store and not see some type of Hanna Montana paraphernalia. Other than the Disney Channel show, there are posters, shoes, clothes, dolls, purses, lunch boxes, you name it. Now, I don't have a problem with Hanna. I actually think she has a great voice, but when my daughter gets older and starts to take interest in those sorts of things, it won't be Hanna Montana.

It's not because of that over-18 boyfriend she's got (or had, I don't really follow much what she's up to) or those in-her-undies photos that surfaced on the web. It's because she's white. Before you get upset and write me off as a racist, hear me out. There's nothing wrong with white people or being white, but my daughter is brown; and as a good mother, it's my duty to surround her with self-affirming images that would never make her question her worth and beauty.

It would be a different issue if it was just Hanna Montana, but its not. It's practically every girl on Disney channel (and Nickelodeon, and Noggin). It's majority of the dolls at the store. It's most of the faces in the magazines. It's many of the illustrations in library books. I can't allow this society to saddle my daughter with all these images that look nothing like her and think it won't have an affect. I've seen too many beautiful little brown girls wish away their brownness (blackness). That's more brown confidence shot to the ether.

I remember my mother searching through the library books to make sure they had enough brown faces in them. I remember her buying me brown dolls and refusing to let me "perm" my hair (no matter how much I begged). I didn't realize it at the time, but she was arming me with tools I needed to form a healthy, solid sense of self worth and acceptance.

This wouldn't be an issue if we lived in a world that loved everyone equally, but we don't. Our world is one that has infected the black community-and other communities as well-with the diseased notions of "good-hair" and the "paper bag test." Our world is one that makes otherwise beautiful people bleach their skin in the hopes if making it lighter. Our world is one that has black women buying up every hair product they can that promises to make their tresses straighter and silkier. It's a tough world. I'm bringing my armor.

Be clear: This doesn't mean that I'm going to shield her from all things white. That would be dangerous and impossible. I want her to recognize the beauty of diversity and all the different colors of people there are. I just don't want her to ever forget how beautiful she is.


Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail