When I was pregnant, I just knew my daughter would be born with black/really really dark brown, could-pass-for-black hair. That's how my husband's hair is and I assumed his genes would over power mine. I was right. She came out with a head full of shiny, black hair.
As the months went by, though, it changed. It kept getting lighter and lighter until it turned borderline red (in the right light, anyway). It's still just as cute as it was black, but I was shocked to see she was taking after my color.
Then it hit me: I can't put my own hair color down, call it mean names like "dusty", and expect her not to be affected when her hair is almost identical to mine. She's not even a year old yet, so I'm sure she hasn't noticed my abusive hair color comments, but it won't be long before she does.
I'm gearing myself up to raise a confident, self-loving daughter who doesn't feel the need to change things about herself to be beautiful and accepted. I have to start by accepting myself--reddish-brown hair and all. Sure, I could tell her "No, mommy's brown is ugly, but yours (which happens to look just like mine) is gorgeous," but we all know how well that would work. Children sometimes listen to what you say, but they always pay attention to what you do. I have to always keep that in mind.
I don't want her to grow up thinking it's normal to put herself down. It may seem harmless, but all these seemingly harmless messages about our "flaws" are definitely being absorbed by our daughters. There are more than enough crazy messages out there. I can't allow myself to add one more.
Zara's Mommy, Nadirah Angail
