Are you raising a mini me? And is that a good thing?

 A lot of people refer to their children as their "mini me." Do we just say that because it sounds cute, or do we actually mean it? Is your child a smaller version of you, and, if so, is that a good thing? We all have...how shall I say this?... "unsavory" characteristics that we don't like. Are you passing those on to your child?

A lot of the time, we aren't even aware of the things we do and say. We go through life behaving in the same ways we've always done and rarely stop to examine what we're really doing, what message we're really sending. We get frustrated when our children are impatient, mean, greedy, and bad tempered, but do we think of where they get it from?

We all owe it to ourselves and our children to be more aware of our thoughts, our words, our behavior.

This is a wonderful 10-min video about the choices we make and how they affect others. The whole thing is good, but if you're in a rush, fast forward and watch from 4:41.

Watch this




Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

Girls vs. Boys: Which is easier to raise?

I have a daughter. She's freaking awesome, but I've met people who only have boys and couldn't be happier about it.

"I'll take 10 boys over one girl," I overheard a woman say while I was maturnity shopping in Old Navy. I rushed to put my hands over my belly, doing my best to cover the spot where I thought her ears might be.

"Don't listen to her," I told me baking baby.

Are girls really that hard? I've hear so many women say they don't want girls.

"Too much attitude."

"Too much hair."

"Too moody."

Maybe women who say this know they put their own mothers through it, and aren't ready for the karma. I'm not sure what the deal is, but people definitely seem to favor boys.  I favor healthy babies, regardless of the sex, but I still feel the need to look a little deeper into this issue. For those of you that prefer boys, leave a comment and let me know why. For those of you that prefer girls, do the same. I'll start. (See my comment below.)


Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

On Mothering: Words From a Non-Superwoman

I’ve always loved my mother, always known that she is invaluable, but it wasn’t until I had my own child that I truly realized the work mothers put in. Even now, I type this with one hand. (The other is on baby duty.) There is little in life that prepares you for the task of raising a tiny person. No book can tell it; no class can teach it. It all has to be learned there on the spot, right in those moments when you’re tired and frustrated, angry and agitated, lost and confused. That is the job of a mother. Yet and still, it is the most rewarding job around.


I don’t know what other mothers went through, but nowadays, it’s tough to be the Superwomen we’re expected to be. “Have it all,” they say. And we sure do try, balancing parenting, careers, personal relationships and our social lives better than any juggler you’ve ever seen. It all looks so easy—to the ill-informed observer. We, however, know better.

Anyone who is decent in math is already aware: A pie cannot be divided into “wholes.” The more shares there are to go around, the smaller each share is. That is an absolute, in math and in life. The harder we try to be Superwomen, capable of all things at all times, the farther we get away from the natural balance.

This is not to say that a mother must be that and only that. I am completely against losing yourself in the eye of motherhood. This is to say that sacrifices do have to be made. Somewhere between June Cleaver and GI Jane, some of us adopted the idea that mothering is just another notch on the belt, a blip on our life events radar. Being a parent takes a type of commitment that can’t be replicated. It takes a type of energy that can never be depleted, and it takes an understanding that it is okay human.

Mothers aren’t larger-than-life super beings. Attempting to be one only leads to disappointment you definitely don’t need. Finding the balance between fading into nothing and reaching to be everything can be hard. Between the two lies a thick gray area that is rarely discussed in public forums. It sometimes seems that the only options are to lose yourself in motherhood or lose yourself in an attempt not to lose yourself in motherhood (if that makes any sense). I suggest another option, a middle road. Give yourself permission not to be that overworked woman with much worth enjoying and little time to enjoy it. Give yourself permission to wait, breathe, and experience wherever you are in your life right now. Before you know it, your children will be grown and you will be wondering where the time went.
I have plenty of personal goals I’d like to accomplish outside of motherhood, and some of them have had to be shelved for the time being. I’m okay with that. I had no problem bumping them down a spot on my priority list. My focus now is building a foundation for my daughter while still maintaining a semblance of my previous life. That alone is a handful. Everything else will be achieved in time.

~Nadirah Angail

PS: If you’ve noticed, I haven’t posted in a while. That’s because I’ve been working on turning my women's issues blog into a book. Be on the look out for “On all the things that make me beautiful: Short inspirational essays on life, love and self.” Stay tuned for more details.





Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

A case AGAINST being a SAHM (GASP)

It's not what it looks like. I assure you. I'm not selling out on my SAHM squad. Just listen...
I love being a SAHM. It's something I've always known I've wanted to do. Never questioned it. And that's why it works for me. It's a labor of love.
Whenever you do something you truly love, it's that love that gets you through the hard times, the frustrating times, the OMG-somebody-please-come-and-get-this-baby times. Women that do not have this same love are the ones that should not be SAHMs.
Women that feel obligated or forced to to stay don't deal with the stresses as well. If you don't feel like it was your choice, and if you don't have a genuine connection to it, it becomes more of a prison sentence rather than a bonding time.
You've heard the saying: If moma ain't happy, nobody's happy. That's so true. An unhappy mother who feels trapped in her own home will only yield unhappy children and an unhappy husband. It's far better to be a satisfied mother with a traditional job than a depressed mother that stays home.
It's not always that easy, though. Some women, out of expectation from their family or requests by their husbands, feel like they have no choice. Some people are so attached to the idea that the mere suggestion of something else seems outrageous. What’s really outrageous is that mothers are suffocating and taking it out on their children. It's outrageous that marriages are being stamped out by resentment and deserted dreams. I see it in some of the blogs, women trying to mask their bitterness with jokes and folly.
Some people are extremely gung-ho about women getting out of the house and abandoning traditional roles. Others cling desperately to the conventions they feel are 100% necessary for families to thrive. I wouldn’t put myself in either group; it’s too dangerous out there on those poles. I’d rather stay safely in the middle, protected by the shades of gray.

I wouldn’t say that a woman has to stay home or that she should work. I’d only say that she has to take care of herself and her family, that she has to have peace of mind so she can spread it throughout her home. That’s about the only thing a woman has to do. Everything else is up for negotiation. At least that’s how it works in my mind.





Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail

Something New

Parents love to brag about how smart their babies are. "Did you see her pick up that block? She's so smart!" The little things babies do give us insight into how their brains are developing. Its fun to watch, but one of the main things that gives us a glimpse into their true genius often gets ignored: the fact that babies wake up smiling.


You've noticed it before, I'm sure. You dismissed it as "a cute little things they do" and went on about your day. Had you looked a little closer, you would have understood. You would have received the gift.

It’s hard being human, dealing with all our built-in imperfections and overwhelming emotions. The various obstacles we face have a tendency to sidetrack us from our goals and detract from our natural joy. We carry our hurt and frustration with us through the day, a heavy sack of resentment that slows our progress. It fills the space in our beds at night and shoves us into corners, robbing us of a good night's rest. It nudges us awake in the morning and distracts us from the beauty of yet another day. This becomes our sad routine. This becomes our life.
But, babies wake up smiling. Whatever anger they experienced the night before (and you know babies get angry), they leave there in that moment. Never would they punish themselves by mixing yesterday's irritation with today's calm. They don't even let the frustration of five minutes ago interfere with the current blessing. They treat each day— each moment—like something new.


We adults, with our extensive vocabularies and intellectual reasoning, haven’t made this discovery. Rather than accept and praise the potential of a new start, we focus on our misfortunes and give them the kind of attention they don’t deserve. There is so much to be thankful for in life, so much to make us smile. Yet and still, we frown. Yet and still, we complain. Yet and still, we sabotage our own happiness.


But, babies wake up smiling. They guard their joy, because they know its value. They thrive on it. It’s what their innocence is made of. It’s what makes them so pleasant to be around. We could learn a lesson from these adorable little creatures. Our very lives depend on it. Abandon your sadness where it is, and sleep well tonight, knowing that tomorrow's sunrise will bring something new.

P.S. This post is an entry in the My Brown Baby "Beautiful Mind Writing Contest"




Zara's Mommy,
Nadirah Angail