Thursday, August 20, 2009

One of the Worst Things a Mother Can Hear


I was in the shower a few nights ago (something that has become a luxury for me since I don't always have time for it anymore) and heard a horrible sound: my daughter crying. I usually can't hear much over the roar of the rushing water, so you can imagine how loud it was. I jumped out of the shower, head full of shampoo, and sprung into action.

"What's wrong?" I asked her father as I scooped her from his arms.

"I don't know. She just started crying. She wouldn't take the bottle." I used my usual comforting techniques (talking to her, bouncing her, nursing her) but none of them worked. She only cried louder. After a minute, I was beginning to get worried. She doesn't usually cry when I'm holding her, especially not this loud. I inspected her body to see if maybe something was hurting her, because it was one of those piercing, "I'm hurt" cries. Nothing. I tried all my techniques again, this time making a little prayer with each one. Still nothing. The cries just got louder.

I could feel my heart ripping as the cries worsened. I couldn't take it. I felt like she was saying "Help me, PLEASE! Do something!" And all I wanted was to do something, but I didn't know what. I couldn't figure out what she needed. That's a horrible feeling for a parent, to know that your child has a need that you can't meet. The one job I have it so take care of her and give her everything she needs and at that moment I felt like I was failing miserably. Finally, after about 5 minutes (which felt like an eternity) she quieted herself down and began slurping down milk like nothing had happened. Other than the red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, there was no evidence of what had just happened. She was completely back to normal, and I was forever changed.

Zara's Mommy,


  1. Oh goodness, I can relate... we had plenty of those moments, and you never really are sure what caused it or how you could have been better about it. What counts, though, is that you were there for her.

    You're doing fine, my love.

    Thanks for stopping by MyBrownBaby today, and especially for the kind words!

  2. Oh, I hate those times. It is absolutely the worst feeling in the world for me.


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